PleaseBurger™

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[Narrator]

“It rose from the nuclear ashes of Gnollyork city.”
undeadgolem

“Wait, sorry, I forgot when I was. I could’ve sworn more time had passed.  Ahh, here we are.  The party had just arrived at some strange lab and was offered food for having found that strange small golem.”

[House-Gnoll]

“Just hand the golem over, and I can take you to go get some food at PleaseBurger™ at my expense.  I’ll tell you all about my thesis work on the way. ” the House-gnoll says, making a grabby-hand.

“Also, you can call me Ravacs.”

hand

Most of the party exited the elevator immediately as they listened to the house-gnolls request with Ivan lagging behind to help Thoki who was feeling a bit motion sick from the elevator ride.

[Gutrake]

“He’s talking about food, right?!” he said, picking Njorunn up in his excitement.

“Quickly sweet little Jarla, let us go with him to the food ask him where the food is please let us go eat I am very very very very very…..STARVING.  I feel like I haven’t eaten in like a year!  Quickly, golden-man, give him the thing so we may eat!”

FOOD HE SAID FOOD RIGHT

[Njorunn]

“Uhh, I guess?  What’s going on now?  Food what?” she says a bit nervously, as she wiggles her dangling tootsies.

[Isobel]

“I could go for some fire seared beast of some kind.” the human says with a confident nod.

 

Ivan handed the golem hand over and Ravacs placed it on his lab bench.  The human instinctively pets the house-gnoll and calls him a good boy before saying he’ll meet them in a bit after he gets out of his armor.  He might borrow clothing from his uncle, who is about his size anyway.

 

[Ravacs]

“I think I know him???” he said a bit confused by the head-petting. 

 

The party proceeded to the courtyard as they followed Ravacs.  The house-gnoll explained his thesis work, much of which went over the parties head.  Gutrake was the only one that pretended to understand as well as the only one to be listening.  He figured it was the least he could do considering this friendly house-gnoll was going to feed him.  

 

[Gutrake]

“S-so… uh… you build punchy rock people?” he says, scratching his head.

[Ravacs]

“I suppose you could put it that way.  A better way to abridge my project is that I build modular golems which are designed specifically to break protective wards.  The interchangeable parts allow me to handle different kinds of wards so I can prep for multiple scenarios and react on the fly.  Als-”

“-oh!  I’ll finish up telling you about it later since we’ve arrived at the walk-through window.  Here’s the menu for walk-through customers but you can get other things if we decide to sit down inside.”

 

pleaseburger menu

The party now stands before a menu projected into the air before them, with images, names, and prices of the food which can be ordered at the walk-through at PleaseBurger™.  


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Enter the doggo

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cscavar via njorunn-saga.com

Ivan, you should gloss over all of that and immediately start invading peoples privacy. I’m sure you’re better at doing that than invading peoples sovereign nations anyways.

Ivan disbanded his forces, telling them all to return home and if asked, that they successfully destroyed the gnoll settlement.  He promised to still sign their time sheets and verify their workload without having to take he risk of actual combat.  He walked side by side with Einhendra (although offset by a few feet by their difference in height) as he questioned her about her peoples biology and culture.  The rest of the party trailed behind.


[Ivan]

“So you really don’t have hearts?  Like, that thing that pumps your fluids around your body in your chest?”

[Einhendra]

“That sounds weird, why would we have that?  Don’t your veins just squish the blood around themselves?”

[Ivan]

“That… you’re the one that’s weird.  I kind of think you’re messing with me.”

[Einhendra]

“Why did you cut that gnolls head off earlier rather than just letting him die from the arrows?”

[Ivan]

“Oh, the general told me to sever the spine.”

[Einhendra]

“Probably because he knows that torso wounds aren’t likely to kill us and it’s hard to get us to bleed out.  What your general told you to do was correct, and likely he knew how sturdy we were for our size.”

“I don’t mind you knowing any of this since you’re significantly weaker than me anyhow.”

[Ivan]

“I… I’m not that bad am I?”

[Einhendra]

“No, it’s not you.  I’m just a bit abnormal.”

[Thoki & Isobel]

“Just a bit?.” they both say from the back, looking at each-other in awkward silence afterwards.

castle

After a short while, they made it to the outskirts of the uncles estate.

[Njorunn]

“Jeez.  You mortals are so slow, and seem to only be able to move in 3 dimensions.  This has been the longest trip of my life.”

[Isobel]

“It’s only been a half hour.”

[Thoki]

“Yea, that and aren’t you only a few weeks old?  The longest trip of your life isn’t really a big deal at this age.”

[Njorunn]

“I traveled from another dimension and then across the expanses of space in less time than it took us to get to this estate.”

[Isobel] 

“Well, we’re almost there.

 


As they approach the stairs, they see a small 3 legged ‘creature.’  It walks up to the party and taps its little feet.

[Gutrake]

“Is that a crab?  Can I eat it?”

[Ivan]

“No, don’t try to eat that.  It’s metal and rock.  It’s one of the golems from the ruins my uncle studies.  We’ll bring it upstairs with us.”

“Also, before we get up there, I have to tell you about my uncle.  He’s a bit odd.  I haven’t seen him in about 10 years, but I’ve heard he’s been hording ‘house gnolls.’  If that’s the case, then he’s kind of a crazy cat lady but with domesticated gnolls.”

“As far as house-gnolls go..  I was under the impression they were nothing but animals that can do little tricks.  However, cryptic letters from my uncle in conjunction with recent events make me believe they can talk and function much like you guys.”

[Njorunn]

“Wait, humans keeping gnolls as pets?  Isn’t that like, die… deee.. die-meaning?”

[Ivan]

“We’ll talk to my uncle because it does sound weird to me now too in light of current events.”

1

[Gutrake]

“Guys, can we get there already?  I’m hungry.  Do we actually have to walk up those stairs?  On an empty stomach?  Isobel can you carry me up the stairs?”

[Isobel]

“No.”

[Ivan] 

“We can take the lift, but it’s a bit sassy and don’t judge me for what I need to do in order to get it working.”

[Thoki]

“What’s a lift?”

[Ivan]

“Its kind of like a movable floor.  So we stand on it, and the room travels upwards so we don’t have to take the stairs.”

[Gutrake]

“Lets do that.  I’m too hungry to make it up the stairs and Isobel won’t carry me.”

[Ivan]

“Okay, we’ll do that.  Just.. please don’t judge me, just believe that this is necessary for the lift to function.”

“And as far as what I need to do…” he says, trailing off a bit.

Ivan walks around behind the stairs where a metal door is shut tight.  He knocks on the door and then says “Hey baby, what’s up?”

door 1

[Elevator]

“Oh, it’s you.  What do you want?”

[Ivan]

“Don’t be like that elevator, we haven’t seen each-other in like 10 years!  Don’t you want to get to know me again?  Why don’t you open up and give me a ride?”

just get in baka

[Tsundelevator]

“Fine, just get in.  But don’t think I want you guys in here or anything.” the elevator says, huffing as it opens its doors.

[Ivan]

“You’re the best, doll!”

[Tsundelevator]

“Whatever!”

The party stands awkwardly in the elevator as it goes up.  Everyone silently judging Ivan for what just happened.  The door opens immediately into a lab with a medium sized house-gnoll looking back at the party.

intro to scavar

[House-Gnoll]

“Oh.  That elevator works?  I was just going to go to PleaseBurger for a 3 AM snack.  If you could, could you get out of my lab so I can lock up?”

“Wait, is that Franklin?” the gnoll follows up with, pointing at the small golem accompanying the party.  “Hand him over!  I’ve been looking for him all day!  I’ll treat you all to a PleaseBurger meal, on me!  I need him to finish up my thesis.”


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Yea, we’re all still here.

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cscavar via Njorunn-saga.com

Oh right, the army, the army that attacked our town. That army.

Tronn via Njorunn-saga.com

>Tell the invading army that the war is cancelled, they can all pack up and go home now. Better luck next time seeya!

After a few seconds of awkward silence, Ivan the human walks up to introduce himself to the new strange people.  He coughs to get everyone’s attention.

hey look it's that guy I stabbed

[Einhendra]

“Oh, hey Ivan Mcgotstabbedintheliver.  How’s it going?  I kind of forgot you were here.”

[Ivan]

“Thanks, I guess. So are these friends of yours?” he says, before turning to the new individuals.

[Einhendra] 

“Sure.  Why don’t you introduce yourself then and we’ll get back to business.”

GreatKaiserNui via Omegaupdate

Army of humans: Be confused.

[Ivan]

“Right.  So, uh… hi?  Nice to meet you, strange sky people.  Lady Einhendra and I were discussing the terms of my surrender when you showed up.  You’re more than welcome to join I suppose.” the human offers as he tries to figure out what exactly is going on with his life.

“And Lady Einhendra: since you said earlier that you don’t have a grand hall any longer and that you can’t ‘officially’ make decisions yet, would you want to come with me to my uncles estate?  It’s only a nights travel from here and he has a lot of booze that I really think I’d like right now.  This also means that we can sign an accord of some kind outside of the view of your father.”

[Einhendra]

“Will there be food?”

tigerioreo via Omegaupdate

Ein: Recall the thing that Thoki is talking about.

Njorunn: Notice the thing that Thoki is talking about.

Gutrake: Is Thoki food? You think he might be.

[Gutrake]

“What the small blue muscley one said, is there going to be food?” the guy says, trying to determine if the smaller gnolls count as food.

[Ivan]

“I’m sure my uncles servants will be able to make something for us.”

[Einhendra & Gutrake in sync]

I’m in!

[Gutrake]

“I think we’re friends now.”  And under his breath he says “friends, not food.

[Einhendra]

“Sure.  That works, you look like someone I should train with.  Gnolls around here don’t get nearly that big so you must be doing someth-”

[Thoki]

“Okay wait, wait.  Before you go off into some kind of attention deficit tangent let me get this straight.  This human kills a few of our people, trying to finish off the last of our people.  Then out of literally nowhere a demon thing falls from the sky but then it’s a little kid for some reason.  Oh, but it’s not over yet, because these other guys also fall from the sky, strike silly poses, a-”

[Einhendra]

“Yea, that was a neat entrance!  I want to strike poses too next time!”

[Thoki]

“… okay.  And then the human wants the heir to our small and dying kingdom to go with them into human territory now for their surrender?”

[Einhendra]

“Yea that seems right.”

[Njorunn]

“I was only here for part of that but the part I was here for is correct.”

[Ivan]

“I agree, today is weird.  I really just want to get to my uncles booze.  Much of my world view was questioned tonight and I have no more fight in me.”

Gutrake via Njorunn-Saga

-Muffled-

Why is this frame so small?! I will destroy this tiny box!

 

[Gutrake]

“Wait, am I out of frame because I’m too tall?  How long have I been out of frame?  Let me get into frame real quick.  I thought I was looking all cool and all with my serious face!” the large tailless gnoll says as he changes position, letting out a displeased huff.

okay thats better.png

[Thoki]

“I don’t even know anymore.”

“Human female.  It was Isobel, right?  You’re the only one that hasn’t said something dreadfully strange yet.  I’m not crazy, right?”

[Isobel]

“No, you’re right.  This is all stupid.  But my contract requires me to be bossed around by a midget purple dog person in polka dot footy pajamas and to fix bone.  However, the contract doesn’t say anything about fixing stupid.”  She wonders if she said too many words to maintain her stoic image.

[Njorunn] 

“Okay enough of this.  Let’s just go to this guys food building.

[Ivan]

“You mean my uncles?  Yea, let’s get going.  Also can I ask an almost intrusive amount of questions as we travel?  I’m kind of curious as to how wrong my assumptions of demihumans were.”

[Njorunn]

“I’ll allow it.  Narrator, zoom in as a segue to the next scene.”

[Ivan]

“I wasn’t really directing that at you, but okay.  What do you mean by Narrator?  What are you talking about?”

[Njorunn]

“Oh, don’t worry.  I’m talking to m-”

O_O10

[Narrator]

“The camera man got too close.”

giggle stare

fractal

 

what the heck

[Gutrake]

“Why does reality taste like my legs feel when they fall asleep?”

[Isobel]

“That… is a very accurate way of describing what we just experienced.”

[Ivan]

“I feel ill suddenly.  I think I’m going to be sick.”

[Njorunn]

“Don’t worry about it guys.  My computer thought it was being cute.  Lets just go.”


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