cscavar via njorunn-saga.com
Ivan, you should gloss over all of that and immediately start invading peoples privacy. I’m sure you’re better at doing that than invading peoples sovereign nations anyways.
Ivan disbanded his forces, telling them all to return home and if asked, that they successfully destroyed the gnoll settlement. He promised to still sign their time sheets and verify their workload without having to take he risk of actual combat. He walked side by side with Einhendra (although offset by a few feet by their difference in height) as he questioned her about her peoples biology and culture. The rest of the party trailed behind.
“So you really don’t have hearts? Like, that thing that pumps your fluids around your body in your chest?”
“That sounds weird, why would we have that? Don’t your veins just squish the blood around themselves?”
“That… you’re the one that’s weird. I kind of think you’re messing with me.”
“Why did you cut that gnolls head off earlier rather than just letting him die from the arrows?”
“Oh, the general told me to sever the spine.”
“Probably because he knows that torso wounds aren’t likely to kill us and it’s hard to get us to bleed out. What your general told you to do was correct, and likely he knew how sturdy we were for our size.”
“I don’t mind you knowing any of this since you’re significantly weaker than me anyhow.”
“I… I’m not that bad am I?”
“No, it’s not you. I’m just a bit abnormal.”
[Thoki & Isobel]
“Just a bit?.” they both say from the back, looking at each-other in awkward silence afterwards.
After a short while, they made it to the outskirts of the uncles estate.
“Jeez. You mortals are so slow, and seem to only be able to move in 3 dimensions. This has been the longest trip of my life.”
“It’s only been a half hour.”
“Yea, that and aren’t you only a few weeks old? The longest trip of your life isn’t really a big deal at this age.”
“I traveled from another dimension and then across the expanses of space in less time than it took us to get to this estate.”
“Well, we’re almost there.
As they approach the stairs, they see a small 3 legged ‘creature.’ It walks up to the party and taps its little feet.
“Is that a crab? Can I eat it?”
“No, don’t try to eat that. It’s metal and rock. It’s one of the golems from the ruins my uncle studies. We’ll bring it upstairs with us.”
“Also, before we get up there, I have to tell you about my uncle. He’s a bit odd. I haven’t seen him in about 10 years, but I’ve heard he’s been hording ‘house gnolls.’ If that’s the case, then he’s kind of a crazy cat lady but with domesticated gnolls.”
“As far as house-gnolls go.. I was under the impression they were nothing but animals that can do little tricks. However, cryptic letters from my uncle in conjunction with recent events make me believe they can talk and function much like you guys.”
“Wait, humans keeping gnolls as pets? Isn’t that like, die… deee.. die-meaning?”
“We’ll talk to my uncle because it does sound weird to me now too in light of current events.”
“Guys, can we get there already? I’m hungry. Do we actually have to walk up those stairs? On an empty stomach? Isobel can you carry me up the stairs?”
“We can take the lift, but it’s a bit sassy and don’t judge me for what I need to do in order to get it working.”
“What’s a lift?”
“Its kind of like a movable floor. So we stand on it, and the room travels upwards so we don’t have to take the stairs.”
“Lets do that. I’m too hungry to make it up the stairs and Isobel won’t carry me.”
“Okay, we’ll do that. Just.. please don’t judge me, just believe that this is necessary for the lift to function.”
“And as far as what I need to do…” he says, trailing off a bit.
Ivan walks around behind the stairs where a metal door is shut tight. He knocks on the door and then says “Hey baby, what’s up?”
“Oh, it’s you. What do you want?”
“Don’t be like that elevator, we haven’t seen each-other in like 10 years! Don’t you want to get to know me again? Why don’t you open up and give me a ride?”
“Fine, just get in. But don’t think I want you guys in here or anything.” the elevator says, huffing as it opens its doors.
“You’re the best, doll!”
The party stands awkwardly in the elevator as it goes up. Everyone silently judging Ivan for what just happened. The door opens immediately into a lab with a medium sized house-gnoll looking back at the party.
“Oh. That elevator works? I was just going to go to PleaseBurger for a 3 AM snack. If you could, could you get out of my lab so I can lock up?”
“Wait, is that Franklin?” the gnoll follows up with, pointing at the small golem accompanying the party. “Hand him over! I’ve been looking for him all day! I’ll treat you all to a PleaseBurger meal, on me! I need him to finish up my thesis.”
>Tell the invading army that the war is cancelled, they can all pack up and go home now. Better luck next time seeya!